Keys To Overcome Emotional Dependence On The Couple

Keys To Overcome Emotional Dependence On The Couple

Keys To Overcome Emotional Dependence On The Couple

Emotional dependence on the couple is a natural state that is generated in any relationship of affection. Whenever there is an effective bond we will develop a state of emotional dependence towards that person. It is something that the human being has acquired since childhood as a subsistence mechanism, in the first place with parents and parents and later with all those people with whom an effective bond is generated. The human being needs a security in the desire of the attachment relationships; this favors the bonding, the protection, the security and the self-esteem of the members of the relationship.

However, when a person has developed insecure relationships in early stages, with parents or siblings can generate an insecure mental pattern in relationships that facilitate an increase in the degree of emotional dependence when they are established. C hen this degree of emotional dependence is high and dysfunctional, ie, instead of ensuring the dulls romantic relationship, we talk about the problem of emotional dependence.

Here are the different strategies to effectively regulate emotional dependence:

Identify and recognize the problemIdentify and recognize the problem

When in the relationship with your partner you experience symptoms like the ones described below in a meaningful and painful way in your life you will have to become aware that you are possibly experiencing a problem of emotional dependence:

Obsessive need for closeness . At all times you want to be with your partner, you cannot stand the physical distance, much less the psychic one (that your partner does not pay attention to you).

Continuous sensation of need of the other. For a long time you are with your partner is never enough, you always lack something.

Continuous insecurity regarding the future. You are never calm about the future of the relationship. You always have a state of alert with fear that your wonderful relationship is over.

Feeling of not deserving or being equal to your partner. Sensation continues to be below the couple, not deserve it and have had the great luck that your partner is with you. But no matter how much I am with you, you do not get rid of the feeling of “I do not deserve this relationship”.

Fear of lack of love. It is something that persecutes you. You have the feeling that this wonderful thing cannot be true and it has to end. Any day you may come across that this dream is over and they will abandon you.

Lack of personal reaffirmation, to show one’s own tastes and needs. Loss of your own nature, depersonalization, complacency and adaptation to all the tastes and needs of the couple and loss of awareness of your desires and needs and much less their expression if that means frustrating your partner.

 Identify your dependency behaviors Identify your dependency behaviors

In each small behavior that you make of emotional dependence you are becoming more addicted to your partner, for that reason, we have to identify all those behaviors to later daring to abandon them . These behaviors are security mechanisms that you use to strengthen the relationship with your partner. Below you can see a list of dependent behaviors, but they are not logically all possible, and you must identify all those that are not reflected in the following list to extend it:

  • I do not dare to contradict the likes of my partner even though they do not seem good to me.
  • I do not dare to take initiatives with my partner for fear they do not like it.
  • I dare not express my opinions for fear of antagonizing my partner or seem unintelligent (skillful, decisive, etc).
  • I do not dare to ask my partner about his feelings about me, so he can give me an answer that I do not like.
  • Whenever possible I want to be with my partner. Any free time is to be together.
  • Any activity I do with other people in the time that I can be with my partner seems boring, monotonous and a waste of what I really want and is to be with my partner.
  • If my partner does not pay attention to me, I think he does not love me anymore.
  • I never argue or fight, I adapt to everything my partner wants.
  • I forgive your mistakes and I can not bear mine.
  • I get away from my friends if they are supposed to separate me even for a short time from my partner.
  • I think again and again about issues related to my partner.
  • I disguise my negative emotional states (for example, grief or anger) for fear of upsetting my partner.
  • I would even be willing to endure infidelity so as not to break my relationship.
  • I am able to renounce important topics of my life such as studies, work or social relations in order not to contravene my partner.
  • If I notice that my partner does not pay attention to me, or distances himself, I insist again and again to recover the closeness in the relationship.
  • In case he leaves me, I try again and again to return with me, I do not care if he has despised me or been unfaithful.
  • Sometimes I use to make myself the victim (I exaggerate or invent any evil) to get him to pay more attention to me.
  • I use drugs to get up to my partner or to put down the emotional discomforts linked to the relationship (jealousy, insecurity, grief, etc.)
  • I keep thinking about my partner, any event however insignificant it makes me think too much and obsessively about it.
  • I keep excessively good image of my partner before all my surroundings, family and friends.
  •  You can take the emotional dependency test to identify if you have it and to what degree.

Behaviors to be developed to overcome emotional dependence

 Faces the fear of the loss of the couple

Once identified those dependency behaviors so as not to lose your partner you should dare to eliminate them completely from your behaviors . You will inevitably experience it as the loss of your partner, even if it is not so, but quite the opposite since you are starting to be more independent, more you, and therefore, more interesting and attractive for your partner. If for example, you dare to show your feelings even if you think that your partner is not going to like you, you are daring to “lose” her a little bit, to “not like”, to “pass” a bit of her opinion about you. This, although you fear, will strengthen you. After the first moment of fear and insecurity, you approach to experience a feeling of greater confidence and confidence in yourself.

Become more “selfish” (assertive). Recognize and express your needs

Yes, more selfishness in your love relationship, that is, put yourself in the forefront of the relationship. Do not be afraid to become a hard, selfish and insensitive person, if you are a person with emotional dependence you will never be that way but if you dare to be less complacent and fight for your tastes and needs you will have a more assertive and balanced behavior in your relationships affective . You will be taking the antidote to the poison of your complacency and servility in relationships. Therefore, take the list of your dependency behaviors and dare to do just the opposite of what you have been doing . For example, if you did not dare to contradict the likes of your partner, now dare to show your likes and desires and fight to convince your partner to carry them out.

Practice physical distancingPractice physical distancing

To strengthen your autonomy we will find the physical distancing especially useful for a few hours or, if possible, a few days. When there is a picture of emotional dependence the temporary loss of contact will facilitate the imaginary exposure to the loss . We will experience the emptiness of the absence of the couple. By accepting this imaginary “loss” as our great fear, we will strengthen ourselves and we will experience feelings of greater autonomy and independence. We will need a time for it. But finally we can even enjoy the activities we do without having the feeling of lack or absence of the loved one.

Focus on the strong themes of your life

If your strength is work, and there you have good reasons to boost your self-esteem, dedicate yourself more especially to this one and to the achievements you can achieve. If they are social relations, devote more attention to these to strengthen your self-esteem. The same can be done with sport, body care (for you), travel, reading, family, spirituality, science, etc.

Develop your emotional intelligence

What you are doing with this reading is precisely this develop your emotional intelligence. Understand yourself better, understand your problems and look for solutions to improve your emotional life . Make learn to facilitate the expression of your emotions, overcoming emotional fears and addictions that have generated great suffering and raise new emotions of tranquility and serenity to feel more comfortable with you and your partner. You also have to develop better understanding in knowing how your emotional changes provoke positive emotional reactions in your partner. This will give you the confidence and security you need.

Hasibul Hasan Jini

Hasibul Hasan is a qualified journalist. He writes on varied topics and carried out extensive research on various topics on his blog Natpat.org

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