Mom Meet Her Children To Look after? Charlotte Ducharme is a mother of two children aged 4 and 2, Joy and Léon. But his third, it is especially the Cool Parents Make Happy Kids blog that gives us anecdotes and tips to manage a family in everyday life in joy and good humor. Are we fed up with screaming, exhausting ourselves with repeating the same things a hundred times? Endless evening sunsets, jealousy between brothers and sisters, disobedience, etc. There is a common sense approach, positive education, and it helps us apply it every day a little better. A little dive into a universe that feels good:
Tell us a little about your journey: how did you come to create the blog? How did you fall into the “positive education” pot?
It’s a good question ; to be honest, it’s a bit of a coincidence because I did not know anything about blogs or social networks. I have always had a lot of beliefs about how I would like to educate my children. And then one day I heard in the subway a boy talking to his friends claiming that “once parent, everything was over: friends, outings etc …”
And I said to myself, it’s so a shame to live his parenthood so, because for me when you become a parent, it is essential to keep time for yourself. It is by being fulfilled oneself that we will have the strength to manage our children with humor and kindness and offer them a happy atmosphere … Hence the name of the blog: Cool parents make happy kids!
Joy started to grow and I stumbled upon a Dolto book and another book “Everything is played before 6 years”. Everything spoke to me, these books were 100% in line with my convictions. I then discovered that what I practiced daily, or at least what I was tending to, was called ” Positive Education “.
But reading children’s psychology books is not easy for everyone. It was while talking to a friend that the idea of the CPMHK blog was born. In order to make this positive education accessible to the greatest number, by sharing concrete situations of everyday life , to understand how concretely we could react. This is the system of Mom Meet Her Children To Look after.
Positive education has many facets, but here are the most important ones for me:
– When we are parents, we try to transmit many key values to our children, but the way we talk to them sometimes gives the opposite example. Now the child learns first and foremost by imitation. If we shout for the 4th time to be well, what he will learn first is … to express himself by shouting. It is therefore important to address your child as we would like him to speak to others.
– Avoid being in the permanent balance of power. This is unfortunately not obliging to be nice, for example, he will want to be nice. The key is to give him envies to be nice, to bring home this value. The child must learn to respect the rules because he feels they are good, rather than fear of the “policeman” or submission. This is the type of topic I will talk about in the blog to provide parents with concrete solutions to avoid ending up with their children in a situation where we want “to obey me at all costs”. Case where the situation is easily blocked because the child, and it is understood, does not want to submit. This is another system of Mom Meet Her Children To Look after.
Moreover, to make him do things by obligations is sterile, because once the “cop” is no longer there, we start again.
– Empower her child. We are still behind their backs but, basically, it deprives them of initiatives. One becomes their bodyguard / policeman instead of letting them do all the things they could do alone and they would like to do alone : change the batteries of the train, peel the zucchini, clean the table, etc. Two advantages: this rested and they gained confidence. Children like to feel more than anything useful, it’s important for their balance.
The approach tempts me a lot but I’m afraid to make a child capricious. I do not know where the limit is between benevolent education and respect for the rules … How not to make a child tyrant? How to stay in our place of parent and him to that of the child?
My blog would be useless if the positive education was summed up in the absence of rules or the explanations of each instruction! The rules are very important on the contrary ! What is subtle is to learn to enforce them in a po-si-tive way.
Either by empowering the child, either by play or by sensitivity, by making him want to cooperate (for example by insisting more on the fact that we are very fond of the sofa and we would be too disappointed that the task, rather than the fact that it is forbidden to stain the sofa.) The child naturally wants to help and cooperate, to please …
We bring the child to more empathy. He’s going to do things because he feels it’s good . The immaturation of the child’s brain makes him act more with his heart, his emotions than with reason.
** If I rationally explain to him that the oven is hot and should not touch, he will not understand. But he can feel them. By the intonation of my voice, I can show him that I am afraid that he will burn himself and by allowing him to approach his hand to feel the heat, he can also begin to realize it.
** Positive education does not mean “explain everything”. For example, we will not explain why we should put his pajamas and we will not ask him either by using an authoritative voice that we would not like him to use him (cf: he learns by imitation). We will have to propose alternatives. A game? Or simply a rule for example: “to read a story you know you must be in pajamas”.
Let’s stay zen! Things will come with time.
How to handle the gap if at school or nursery approach is different? My child will not be lost?
My eldest is in kindergarten section. The arrival in small section required a small adaptation. Now she is surprisingly respectful of the rules, not just at school.
On the other hand, if someone behaves authoritatively with her “you do this and not otherwise,” she points. But in general, a teacher is a pedagogue and works with rules of life and not cold obligations.
Is this an appropriate approach for all children or do some children need more firmness?
There are naturally more compliant children with whom it is easy to follow the rules straight away: whatever educational approach you choose, it will be “easier” to manage.
For the slighter characters, positive education is even more important because otherwise family life will turn into permanent conflict.
Is it so easy to choose an educational model that is really different from the one we received?
No it is not simple, because we generally reproduce in spite of us the education that we have received (this famous power of imitation), but it is quite possible to change, by taking small steps!
And every article in the blog has this goal: to allow parents to take a small step closer to a more positive education. This is the things of Mom Meet Her Children To Look after.